Summertime Solicitude

So I’m sitting here in class on a beautiful Friday afternoon (obviously not paying attention) and as I gaze out the window at the sunshine and those basking in it I can’t help but allow my mind to think on a subject that is no stranger these days. As the song goes, “summer time…and the livin’ is easy” …I certainly hope so. Sadly this started a few weeks ago when I was up late watching American Pie 2 (not a film known for its thought provocation). While the movie has many off-color themes, one of the more “on color” really got me thinking. Picture a group of high school buddies home for the summer. They are sitting at their old hangout coming to the sad conclusion that things aren’t the same as they were before. The movie then goes on to show the friends enjoying the whole summer together, but that image of a disparaging group of old friends realizing that not only was life not the same as it was but that it probably never would be stuck with me.
What is this summer going to be like? Will we fall back into “the groove?” Will I end up at the beach with my closest friends every night at a different bonfire like every summer previous? Or will I find that my friends have moved on to bigger and better things?
I don’t think that this is something that someone my age should be worried about (or anyone for that matter). Summertime is supposed to be that blissful time where you get a break from the day-to-day. No classes. No midterms. No problem-sets. Just nirvana (no, not the band…though summer is filled with Teen Spirit).
It’s a helpless feeling almost. Watching the lives of those you knew so well happen around you though no longer as an influential part. I hear great things going on with all of my friends. And there are great things going on with me as well. But, unlike before, the noteworthy events in everyone else’s lives don’t affect me at all. I mean, I want to know. I am genuinely interested. But all of a sudden I don’t know the people involved. I don’t understand why that was so funny. “OMG she got so drunk and…” I don’t care. And visa versa I’m sure.
All of a sudden the springtime sunshine that caused that bounce in my step this morning is the cause of some summertime angst and, as stated, summer should not be a subject of discomfort. With only a few fleeting weeks left of my first year of college I suppose I can’t help but be contemplative however. Thought, after all, is what college is all about. “A well-rounded, liberal arts education” (emphasis on the ‘liberal’ if you know what I mean). That’s what I’m supposed to be getting for my parent’s hard-earned money. And yet as I sit here, in class, trying to get “rounded,” I continue to think about the potential problems of a time when I’m not in class. What is wrong with this picture?
“Do you know the answer?” my professor asks me, rudely interrupting my thought.
“Hopelessness?” I respond existentially.
“Yes. You are hopeless.”