Welcome to my blog. Ya know, I vowed that I would never write one of these…mostly because there is really only harm that can come from them. I mean lets face it, the title speaks for itself…no one is going to read this anyway…but assuming someone does, how could that possibly help me? As the description says, I’m an aspiring politician. That means that someday someone will go over everything I've written since the 4th grade with a fine-tooth comb searching for things to use against me in a campaign. In creating a blog I am basically saying “if you want to find incriminating shit on me, here it is…all in one place with my name on it wrapped up in a pretty little bow for ya.” I mean, as it is I can't keep my mouth shut long enough to not get myself in trouble on a daily basis but here on the interwebs the shit I say will live forever. That’s a long time in case anyone was unsure. But…my mentor starts and stops a new blog every other day and a few other friends of mine have created blogs…I always just think its so pretentious though…that’s why all the stuff I have written previously has been on my facebook “notes.” I mean, creating a blog is like saying, “I think that the stuff I have to say is so good, so much better than the stuff real writers say, than I'm going to post it on the internet and pretend that someone’s reading it.” As if anyone cares. As if anyone reads it. No one does. Some crazy-large percentage of the blogs on the internet today go unread for the entirety of their sad, pathetic existence…and yet every day people get up and write on their blog as if its their business. At political events now they have a whole section cornered off called “bloggers ally” where people come with their laptops and “live blog” the event. This is basically just an excuse to be on your computer during an event…but the premise here is that this is akin to the media. No it isn’t. There are tons of columnists that write every day and it actually is there job. Bloggers are just regular people. And all regular people have opinions that no one cares about. Opinions are like assholes, someone smarter than me once said, everyone has one and they all stink. In this case it’s all about the severity of that stink, to continue this rather unnecessary metaphor, and whether or not you are willing to endure to stink due to the experience of the…wow, alright, well, moving on.
Deep breath.
Where was I? Well, obviously I have decided to write this blog, mostly out of boredom, so what the hell hu, might as well write something down. Alright well, lets start with where I is…I’m at work. Productive use of work time? Hmm, well, the way I justify it is if they gave me work, I'd do it. Honestly, me and my job are what’s wrong with the government in a nutshell. You, the nonexistent people who aren’t reading this, you pay my salary. That’s right…I’m a government employee, a civil servant and I do nothing. Well, that’s not even true. I do a lot of things…its just that none of them have anything to do with civilly servicing the American people in any way…and yet they continue to pay me a sickening amount of money in my decently large office with a window and two desks and two computers and all the office supplies I want. Does anyone but me see a problem with this?! You liberals out there who want bigger government, am I what you’re envisioning as you dream off in your 100% hemp sheets at night?! Cause that’s what you'd get. More me’s! lots more me’s! The way I see it there are only two choices (don’t even start with a middle ground…cause there isn’t one). We can either cut down the size of government (which would really be a loss because the DMV, post office, and IRS are such pleasant government agencies) and risk losing a couple (million) people in the public sector to the big bad privet sector (ya know, that one that makes the world go round) OR we could expand the government possibly offer more serves to the people of this great nation and have thousands upon thousands more of me. In other words you have smaller and inefficient or bigger and inefficient. As I mentioned before, there is no middle ground. So which is it? I mean, its pretty cut and dry to me…but what do I know, I only work for “the man.”
Example: here in my office on 22nd St. in NW Washington DC (come find me, I dare you) we take lunch every day. There is, however, no set time to take lunch, only the rough parameters of “be back in an hour-ish.” So, because of this, people start taking lunch around 11am and don’t stop taking lunch until around 3:30pm. So say I actually had some work I had to get done (crazy I know). Say I needed to draft a memo and send it out. I would start my drafting around 10:30 (because in this hypothetical it’s a Tuesday and I watch last night’s episode of House when I come in on Tuesday mornings). I draft from 10:30 to 11:30. At 11:45 I realize that I need help so I go to the most experience memo-writer it the office for some advice…but much to my dismay she is at lunch. I decide to catch up on The Big Bang Theory (another show I like to watch) until she gets back. At 1:00 I take my lunch…during which time Ms. Memo-writer returns from lunch fashionably late. I return at 2ish and stop in to get my question answered. At 2:20 I feel the memo is complete and go to my boss to get her signature before I send it out…but much to my dismay, she’s at lunch. At 3:30ish I notice she has returned and ask for her signature. Now all I have to do take it to our supply guy to get it stamped addressed and sealed but you’ll never guess where he is. This sounds farfetched but I swear this happens all the time. Now a project that really needed to take an hour or two tops has taken all damn day and maybe/often into the next day because why? Because people needed to take lunch at different times all day long? Really?! That’s YOUR federal government hard at work (or at lunch)! And you want it bigger?! You want more people to be apart of that madness?! You want more people at lunch?! Why? Are they doing such a great job now that we figure we should reward their efforts?! Ill give you a hint, the answer rhymes with foe!
Deep breath.
Well, that’s enough for this first blog. Btw I included some of my older notes in here as well so check the archive. Wait, who am I talking to? No one’s reading this anyway. Whatever.
As always please, no one read this…
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